The Legacy Tree: Chapter 8
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Chapter 8
Did a person ever get used to throwing up, she wondered Friday morning. Groaning, she washed her face and brushed her teeth. Her last appointment with Dr. Walters had left her a little more informed as to what the next several months would bring. And it was very possible that she would continue to have morning sickness for the majority of those months.
She had also found out, the hard way, that she was heavily affected by smells. Her morning ritual had always been orange juice and toast with cheese…but now the smell of orange juice, or any citrus juice combination, made her stomach heave. She had already starting craving bananas and she longed for a good cup of coffee, but otherwise was unaffected. As time wore on, she assumed that things would change again.
She needed a shower, and she needed to wrap her gifts for her parents.
She was due at their house at three to help with Christmas dinner. From experience, she ate breakfast first, then headed back upstairs to wrap her gifts. As expected, she had to interrupt her activities to lose her breakfast. With a sigh, she finished wrapping her gifts and set them by the bedroom door.
Her morning sickness tended to wake her at roughly five a.m. each morning, so by early afternoon, she was exhausted. She decided to lay down around noon so that she had time to shower before she had to leave for her parents’ house.
The bed was comfortable but she had trouble sleeping. It was like that a lot…she would close her eyes and immediately see Erik. Sometimes she would see them as they were ten or twelve years ago, and sometimes she would see them as they were in the tent on her birthday. Usually it was those erotic images that made her restless and uncomfortable…but sometimes, it was the earlier years that made her cry. She remembered, with clarity, how he held her after Peanut’s death. He had been awkward and unsure, but had pushed past it to take care of her.
Rolling over onto her side, she pulled the extra pillow up against her chest. She could admit it to herself…she missed him. Sure, it was easy to miss his gorgeous body and hot mouth, but she also missed the best friend she ever had. If the situation were just slightly different, i.e., he wasn’t the father, she would be calling him for advice. If he weren’t involved, he would be totally non-judgmental of her and as supportive as possible.
Sleep! She had to get some shut-eye or she would never make it through the evening. Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she squeezed her eyes shut. The easiest way to fall asleep was to let her mind follow her fantasies. They flowed easily, starting with her being pregnant and huge, and having Erik come up behind her and wrapping his arms around her. She could almost feel his heat as he helped her support her extra weight. She could see them together with their baby, his smile so wide and proud. He would stroke her hair and hold them both close as the baby suckled at her breast. Contented in her dream-world, she drifted off to sleep.
Robyn groaned and her eyes popped open. Giving herself a few minutes to waken, she stretched. Her stomach seemed steady, so she swung out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She was naked and ready to turn on the water when the phone rang. Not wanting her mother to worry, she rushed to answer the phone.
“Hi Mom.” she said without checking the caller id.
“You must need glasses because I look nothing like your mother.”
Closing her eyes, she blushed furiously at her nakedness. “Hello, Erik.”
“Merry Christmas, Robyn.”
“Merry Christmas, Erik.” she responded automatically.
“I don’t have a gift for you.” he sighed. “I looked, but didn’t know what to get you this year.”
He didn’t know it, but she already had the best gift in the world. Covering her bare stomach with her hand, she smiled sadly. “You don’t have to get me anything.”
“Jeezus, Robyn, this is crazy. Are we ever going to be okay again?” he muttered.
Her Christmas gift to him was the biggest lie she had ever told. “Of course we are.”
“Well,” he exhaled into the phone. “I just wanted to say Merry Christmas and that I miss you.” And I love you, he continued silently.
“I have to go…Mom is expecting me shortly.” she said softly.
“I’ll be in San Diego next week and I’ll talk to you from there.” he promised.
“Of course.” She hung up the phone and shuddered. Stalking back into the bathroom, she started her long-awaited shower.
Robyn didn’t sleep well that night. She wasn’t exactly sure why, but she had been restless and uncomfortable. As expected, her stomach woke her at about five a.m. She washed her face, brushed her teeth and crawled back into bed. It was still dark out, so she closed her eyes and hoped that she could at least doze.
By seven, she couldn’t stand to lay in bed another minute. She had some paperwork from the office that she could catch up on, so she made her way downstairs. Pouring herself a glass of milk, she dropped a piece of wheat bread in the toaster. Taking her slice of American cheese to the table with her, she sat. Without any enthusiasm, she ate her breakfast in the quiet kitchen.
Her soft-sided briefcase was in the family room on the couch. Spreading out the first several pages on the coffee table, she reached into the depths of her bag to find a highlighter. She found it and settled into her work. The first time she uncapped the highlighter, her stomach lurched. That was new, she thought as she took a deep breath. No need to torture herself, she decided as she re-capped the pen. She would just underline the errors with a red pen.
Stretching to reach her bag to retrieve a red pen, she let out a startled gasp. She recoiled and bent over to try to relieve the pain. When it got worse, she panicked. The phone…she had to get it from the end table, which seemed miles away at the moment. Inching her way to the other end of the couch, she stretched her arm and grabbed the phone. With trembling fingers, she dialed 911 and fell back against the cushions.
“Ambulance.” she panted to the dispatcher. She repeated her address, telling the woman that she was on the first floor of the townhouse, but could not make it to the door. “Pain in my stomach.” she gulped in response to the dispatcher’s question. The fire station was close, so she heard the ambulance nearing within a few minutes.
“Fire department.” A male voice called from the front door. “Can you open the door?”
“No!” Robyn tried to call, but her voice came out breathy and low. Sobbing, she clutched the phone to her ear.
“It’s all right, miss. They’ll be inside in just a moment.” the voice in Robyn’s ear soothed.
“Hello? Where are you, ma’am?”
“In the back!” she tried to call to them. When she heard approaching footsteps, she dropped the phone with relief. A fireman came into view first, followed by two paramedics.
“Are you alone, ma’am?” The fireman asked as the paramedics rushed forward.
“Yes.” she panted. “The phone…911…”
He nodded and picked up the phone to end the conversation with dispatch.
“What’s your name, ma’am?” the female paramedic asked.
“Robyn.” she panted and reached for the woman’s hand. “Please help me, I’m pregnant.”
The two paramedics exchanged a look and began taking her vital signs. The male paramedic disappeared with the fireman to get the gurney.
“How far along are you, Robyn?” the female paramedic asked.
“Almost twelve weeks.” she whispered.
“Okay, honey, lets get you on the stretcher and get you to the hospital.” The second paramedic had returned.
“Please.” Robyn begged them. “Don’t let me lose it.”
“You have a purse nearby, Robyn?” the woman asked.
“On the chair in the kitchen.” she gasped as they settled her onto the stretcher.
“Okay, lets get her out of here.”
Robyn pried her eyelids open and was met with a sterile white ceiling. She whimpered quietly and immediately her mother’s face filled her vision. Yes, she remembered asking the paramedics to call her when they were in the ambulance, but she did not recall her arrival.
“Mom?” she croaked through a tear roughened throat.
“Hi sweetheart.”
Robyn took one look into her mother’s teary eyes and knew. “Nooo.” she wailed, tears coursing down her cheeks.
“I’m so sorry, honey.” Melanie whispered, stroking her daughter’s hair. “There was nothing they could do.”
Her mother hadn’t asked who or why, only sought to console her precious child. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…”
“Shhh. Don’t worry about any of it. I’m just sorry it turned out this way for you.” Melanie soothed.
“Did they say why…?”
Melanie sat on the edge of her daughter’s bed and held her hand tightly. “No, but it’s not uncommon to miscarry a first pregnancy.”
Robyn now saw the empathy in her mother’s gaze. “You?”
“Yes. Once before you and twice after.”
“I didn’t know.” Robyn murmured as she closed her eyes.
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“No, there was no reason to tell you. It’s a natural occurrence, darling. And hardly rare, no matter what you think right now.” She paused before continuing delicately. “Did he know?”
Robyn was glad her eyes were still closed. “No, I hadn’t told him yet.”
“Do you want me to call him?” Melanie offered.
“No.”
“All right.” She wet a washcloth and smoothed it over Robyn’s face. “They want you to stay overnight, so do you need anything?”
Tears leaked out from under her closed lids. She needed her baby…she needed Erik. “No.” she whispered.
“Okay, darling, you try to go back to sleep. I’ll stay right here with you.” Melanie promised, squeezing Robyn’s hand.
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, darling.”
Robyn went home late Sunday afternoon. Melanie helped her upstairs to her bedroom and into bed. The blinds in the room were pulled shut so the room was dark and quiet.
“I’m going to bring you some tea and toast.” Melanie murmured after she tucked her daughter into bed.
“I’m not hungry.” Robyn responded automatically.
“I know sweetheart.” Melanie soothed. “But you have to keep your strength up.”
Robyn closed her eyes and sighed as her mother left the room. She wanted nothing more than to sink back into unconsciousness so that she didn’t have to face anything or anyone. Having her mother around was both a blessing and a curse. Melanie loved her and was non-judgmental, but Robyn was embarrassed. She was embarrassed that she had gotten pregnant, embarrassed that had lost the baby, and mortified at how she was handling it. But her mother persevered…staying by her bedside at the hospital, and then bringing her home.
“Daddy says to tell you that he loves you and he’ll stop by at dinnertime.”
Melanie said cheerfully as she re-entered the bedroom with a tray.
“Mom, you and Dad won’t discuss this with anyone, right?” Robyn whispered.
“Of course not. Your private life is your own.” Melanie said briskly.
“I mean it. I don’t want my office to know or any of your friends or clients.” she insisted.
Setting the tray on Robyn’s bed, Melanie nodded. “I understand. Just as long as you understand that this is nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I know.”
Melanie brushed Robyn’s hair away from her face. “Try to eat a little. I’m going to start dinner.”
“Okay.”
Stopping at the door, Melanie turned back. “You have some messages on your answering machine. Shall I write them down for you?”
“If you get a chance. But there’s no hurry.” She watched her mother disappear from the room. Looking at the tray, she saw the toast was smeared with a tiny bit of butter and that the tea was mixed with milk. She took a small bite of the toast, chewed and swallowed. She felt like the toast congealed into a lump in her throat. The tea was barely warm, but it seemed to wash away the toast. With a sniffle, she pulled the yellow and green receiving blanket out from its hiding place under her pillow. Turning onto her side carefully, she curled up and pressed it to her stomach. Empty…she felt cold and empty. There was a really big hole inside her that would never go away. Trembling, she wondered if she would ever feel whole again. She closed her eyes and cried while in the background, the phone began to shrill.
Erik didn’t know why, but he wanted to talk to Robyn before he left for California. Succumbing to his need to hear her voice, he called her house.
“Hello?”
He frowned at the female voice that greeted him. It was familiar, but it wasn’t Robyn.
“Hi, is Robyn available?”
“Who’s calling, please?”
“This is Erik.” he responded.
“Oh, hello Erik. It’s Melanie Douglass.”
Smiling, he realized why the voice was familiar. He had spoken with Robyn’s mother recently about his parents’ wedding portrait.
“Mrs. Douglass! I wasn’t expecting to hear your voice.”
“Well, it’s nice to hear yours, darling.” she laughed.
“It’s always wonderful to speak with you, of course.” he reassured her. “I was just expecting Robyn to answer.” He paused, waiting for her to call out to Robyn, or put him on hold to fetch her.
“So, how are your parents?”
Frowning, he let her draw him into some small talk. When she led him into a conversation about the repair of his parents’ portrait, he got a little annoyed. After all, they had just spoken two weeks ago about the very same subject. When she paused between sentences, he interrupted her. “I don’t mean to be rude, Mrs. Douglass, but I was hoping to speak with Robyn before I leave for California.” His eyebrows drew together when she didn’t respond right away.
“Let me go see where she is.” Melanie said slowly. “Hold on just a minute.”
He tapped his fingers against his leg as he waited for Robyn.
“Erik? I’m sorry I took so long. Robyn is taking a nap right now and I didn’t want to disturb her. Could she call you back later this evening?”
“Oh, I guess she’s still getting over that flu, huh?” he tried to sound sympathetic when he was really wondering if Robyn was avoiding him. “Sure. Tell her I’ll be up until at least midnight.”
“I’ll do just that. Have a good evening, Erik.” she said cheerfully before saying goodbye and hanging up.
He hit the off button and tossed the phone onto the coffee table.
She had sounded all right on Christmas, so why was she still sleeping off the flu?
Robyn squeezed her eyes shut as her mother stood over her Monday morning. “I don’t feel like getting up.” she mumbled.
“Darling, you need to get out of bed. Why don’t you let me help you take a shower?” Melanie offered.
“No.”
“Then lets go downstairs and eat some breakfast.”
“I’m not hungry.”
Melanie put her hands on her hips and glared at her daughter. “I will give you one day to do this…then I’m going to start pushing you around.”
“I’m tired…I want to sleep.”
“I understand that. But I’m not going to allow you to hide away. I know you’re hurting, but you need to keep moving. Did you call Erik back?” she asked as she headed for the door.
“No.” Robyn whispered. “I didn’t feel like talking to anyone.”
“Well, now he’s off in California…do you know where he’s staying?”
“No.”
“I guess if it was important, he’ll call you back.” Melanie huffed before leaving the darkened bedroom.
Robyn pulled her lips tight in a grimace. There was no way she could talk to him without spilling out all her pain. Without a doubt she could have bluffed her way through the pregnancy because the end justified the means. But this…there was no light waiting at the end of the tunnel. Would the emptiness ever go away? And the broken heart…what of that? The possibility of resuming any kind of relationship with
Erik loomed ahead…but what could she suffer through? Could they go back to being friends, pretending nothing had happened? Could she? Her brain chugged forward, as if slogging through mud. No matter what, she would have to lie to him about what happened to her. Could she live through that kind of strain? Their relationship was already ruined…maybe she could make the best of it. How many times would it take for her to get pregnant again? He could have the casual sex and she could replace what she’d lost.
She groaned out loud, berating herself for even having the thought. There really was no option but to slowly remove herself from his life altogether. She would have a wound that would never heal…but in the long term, there was no other solution.
Stay Tuned For Next Month's Installment!
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