The Importance of Social Support...

Social Isolation Increases Stress Symptoms

It is our nature, as women, to need social support. Of the two sexes, we are the nurturing caregivers. We empathize with family and friends and do things for them. We communicate well with people around us, and we usually work compassionately with others to form strong relationships. While men lean toward having the “fight or flight” response during times of stress, women appear to have the “tend and befriend” response.

Women who lack social support suffer greatly from the subse­quent loneliness and disconnection. Forty-eight-year-old Diane, a single mother and bookkeeper, lived in constant fear and isolation af­ter having a major heart attack. She was nervous about returning to exercise and a normal lifestyle and even became paranoid that her co-workers would feel she was too ill to be effective. Diane was even afraid to tell her new boyfriend about her heart attack, for fear he would think she was “too fragile to be much fun,” and she actually considered breaking off the relationship. She stayed awake until the wee hours of morning, unable to sleep because fears of “what might happen” were racing through her mind. These fears all stemmed from how she interpreted having had a heart attack. When such anxiety and fears go unrelieved, the overwhelming sense of isolation can keep you from trying to improve your health. Other symptoms, such as elevated blood pressure and heart rate, can also be magnified. When you’re highly anxious, you may have difficulty sleeping, and being tired will of course make it harder for you to stay on your heart-healthy exercise and diet programs.

On the other hand, some women, like forty-three-year-old Mari­lyn, tell me that being with friend’s causes her more stress than being alone. Marilyn, a single woman and technical writer who works out of her home, said, “I can feel very calm and confident when I’m alone, then after being with a group of friends or colleagues and lis­tening to their troubles, I cannot wait to find the exit door to go home.” You just have to judge for yourself what is best for keeping your stress at a healthy, low level and for speeding your recovery.

Seek Support for Optimal Health

You can find or create a positive support system for yourself. Whether your main support comes from your friend, spouse, signifi­cant other, religious organization, or even the women at the beauty salon, support is available—and you can develop a network that works for you. Let’s look at some of the ways that social support can help you to keep your heart disease in perspective and to feel whole and healthy.

SOCIAL SUPPORT GIVES YOU A SENSE OF CONTROL

While you may not be able to control some of the risk factors for heart disease or past health problems you’ve had, there are always Some other things you can control. Creating a strong network of family, friends, and acquaintances is one of them. Years of research on heart disease reveal an important connection between longevity and social support. One recent study from the National Institutes of Health showed that women who have a family history of heart dis­ease may have an increased risk of getting it themselves if they also are hostile and isolated.12 Their risk of heart disease is actually even greater than that of high-risk men and men and women who have low to moderate risk. In this case, your risk is higher than any man’s! Other comprehensive studies conclude that people with strong social support tend to fare better in every life situation, particularly when confronted with a serious illness like heart disease.

SOCIAL SUPPORT HELPS YOU TO FEEL ACCEPTED

Feeling accepted is a basic emotional need. In years past, people lived close to their family and relied on parents and siblings for affirmation and emotional strength, even after marriage. They could turn to their family for comfort and support in times of trouble, ill­ness, or other challenges. Today, however, most adults live hundreds of miles away from parents and siblings. A connection to others is important for feeling accepted. No mat­ter what we are facing in life, when we have an emotional tie to some­one else, we can feel comfortable in letting out our fears and insecurity, or in communicating our interests and happiness. We can give and re­ceive comfort from someone who accepts us—just as we are.

SOCIAL SUPPORT HELPS YOU TO BE RESILIENT

Research on stress-resistant personality traits has identified keys to staying healthy. They include:

• Involvement in work or other tasks that have great meaning

• The ability to relate well to others

• The ability to interact in a strong social network14

Especially for women, social support allows us to connect with others, nourish our minds, bodies, and spirits, and recharge ourselves after giving all to working our jobs and to caring for our kids and community. When you have strong social support, you have a greater weapon against all of life’s problems.

SOCIAL SUPPORT KEEPS YOU ACCOUNTABLE

For any woman who is trying to lose weight or maintain a regular ac­tivity program, social support can help. The women who make—and keep—the commitment to come three days a week to the Women’s Healthy Heart Program for exercise, nutrition guidance, and stress management tell me that they feel better. I see that they are healthier too, and they’re definitely extending their longevity. Women who say that they will exercise or stay on a heart-healthy diet, yet have not developed a social network to keep them accountable to this com­mitment, often find that their good intentions fall by the wayside. I’m most impressed by the way the women in my program keep an eye out for each other. They call friends or acquaintances who are absent from class. They make lunch and movie plans and have fun getting and staying healthy together. Numerous other support groups can help you to stop smoking, lose weight, and be more active. Ask your doctor for information on groups in your area, or call your hospital’s physical therapy depart­ment or social services. Your local Y, senior or community center, or church or synagogue will also have information about a group. I want you to take time every day to take care of yourself even before you develop the kinds of warning signs other women have had.

 

SOCIAL SUPPORT MAY INCREASE LONGEVITY

Some close relationships can actually give us stress. But preventing illness and living a long healthy life depend on your strengthening your bond with others. For anyone who has a chronic illness, social support is especially important. In study after study, the findings are the same: people with many social contacts—a spouse, a close-knit family, a network of friends, a religious or other group affiliation—live longer and are healthier. A full, rewarding social life can nourish the mind, emotions, and spirit. Good physical health depends as much on our social support as it does on a strong, well-functioning body.

Taking Action: Your Plan to Expand Your Social Network

A strong network of family, friends, and health care professionals is key to your optimal wellness. Even before you begin the Women’s Healthy Heart Program in Part III  - You can start now… you can start now to increase your support by following these three steps:

STEP 1: EVALUATE YOUR CURRENT SOCIAL NETWORK

Personally and professionally, we all need support. Some important types of support include:

1. Emotional support, or someone you trust with your most inti-mate thoughts, anxieties, and fears, and who trusts you

2. Social support, or someone you enjoy being with, who helps you cope with disappointments, and who celebrates your joys

3. Informational support, or someone you can ask for advice on major decisions

4. Practical support, or someone who will help you out in a pinch (a neighbor or co-worker)

Who can you turn to for emotional, social, informational, and practical support? Try to identify these key people in your life, and work to nurture these much-needed relationships. If you are having trouble thinking of people in any one of these areas, please realize that this is an important task and you have to do it. Reach out to broaden your personal relationships.

STEP 2: IF YOU AVOID RELATIONSHIPS AND SUPPORT, IDENTIFY REASONS WHY

If you work hard all week and decide to be alone with your family on Friday nights, that is a healthy choice—you’re tired, and you need time for rest and recovery. Yet if you stay home day and night, week after week, and pull out of all social activities, you really need to evaluate your behavior. Are you hiding from relationships? Are you afraid to talk about your illness with friends and family? Are you suf­fering from mild depression? If you have trouble figuring out why you’ve isolated yourself, you need to make an appointment with a counselor. This professional can help you determine the reasons you are avoiding social interaction and help you set personal goals to broaden your social network.

STEP 3: FOCUS ON BUILDING SUPPORTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

I think many times we women can get into the pattern of “doing nothing” socially and forget how invigorating it feels to be around other people. That’s why I want you to start with one day a week, and make plans now to be with other people. Write a list with spe­cific steps you can take this week to increase your social network. Keep at it. You may call one or two friends who are busy or out of town, but your third or fourth calls could result in a plan. Go with a friend to a movie or art show. Invite a neighbor over for tea or to see your garden or ask advice on decorating. Have your rabbi or pastor to lunch or dinner. Sign up for a computer class with a girlfriend. Join some mall walkers with a buddy. Phone for the catalog of events at the local Y, college, university, community, or senior center. There are countless enjoyable ways in which you can reconnect to the world and work on your health as a whole person.